Wow...I have totally lost all my consistency in updating my blog on a regular basis. However, it has been a rough month with both work and the girls' dad! After a two year separation and in the process of waiting for the papers to be signed by the judge, there is such a high level of bitterness that can be so incomprehensible at times. Is it me that just does not understand? But I think I do, to believe in something that you want so dearly to work and for it to crumble at your feet must be painful. I tried my best to make it work but there are so many issues that are presented before us that it is better we are apart. I am so jaded not that I do not know if I am capable of having a meaningful relationship. I feel that I want more and struggling is not an option for me as well. I do not want to feel as if I am the one taking care of someone. Is that selfish? I have been the caretaker and main breadwinner of my relationships for so long and I want to be able to move from that path. I would like to be taken care and for someone else to make the decisions versus me all the times. Of course, if my former spouse read this, he would have a few choice words for me but this is how I feel. Also, lately I have been feeling like such a failure...why I am not sure but I do! Yes, I have a good job resulting from a great education. Yes, I have three beautiful girls, a house, a SUV, two dogs and all the other trimmings. Yet I feel like I am missing something and that I need more. I could possibly be greedy but is that a crime to be happy? I do not think so and I want to be happy. I need to find some happiness but I think I am searching in the wrong places. I guess I am gonna have to start making changes so that can happen. Alot of soul searching is about to begin...stay tuned for the updates!