Busy Week

This weeks seems to be moving pretty fast and I am like "great"! I have been working so hard this week and don't know how and why I am so motivated this week. In any case, I have taken care of all my major projects at work and now handling all the major projects at home. The house is an ongoing project but my bigger focus is on Kianna's high school search. I think I anm going to be a little bit more stressed this month!

Wow...I have totally lost all my consistency in updating my blog on a regular basis. However, it has been a rough month with both work and the girls' dad! After a two year separation and in the process of waiting for the papers to be signed by the judge, there is such a high level of bitterness that can be so incomprehensible at times. Is it me that just does not understand? But I think I do, to believe in something that you want so dearly to work and for it to crumble at your feet must be painful. I tried my best to make it work but there are so many issues that are presented before us that it is better we are apart. I am so jaded not that I do not know if I am capable of having a meaningful relationship. I feel that I want more and struggling is not an option for me as well. I do not want to feel as if I am the one taking care of someone. Is that selfish? I have been the caretaker and main breadwinner of my relationships for so long and I want to be able to move from that path. I would like to be taken care and for someone else to make the decisions versus me all the times. Of course, if my former spouse read this, he would have a few choice words for me but this is how I feel. Also, lately I have been feeling like such a failure...why I am not sure but I do! Yes, I have a good job resulting from a great education. Yes, I have three beautiful girls, a house, a SUV, two dogs and all the other trimmings. Yet I feel like I am missing something and that I need more. I could possibly be greedy but is that a crime to be happy? I do not think so and I want to be happy. I need to find some happiness but I think I am searching in the wrong places. I guess I am gonna have to start making changes so that can happen. Alot of soul searching is about to begin...stay tuned for the updates!

I Miss This So Much!!!

Oh my..I feel like it has been forever since my last post! It has been forever and I feel horrible. I started something and I feel like I have not been committed to what I have started. How do everyone juggle everything that they have to do and maintain their sanity! The kids and their summer activities, the issues with the house and the ex plus now I have to deal with going back to school in September is becoming overwhelming for me just thinking about it. Is there an end? I feel that I have been able to cope so far but the one thing that can drive me over the edge may just be my ex-husband! Can you imagine two people caring and loving each other but not being able to not argue or seriously disagree with each other in a matter of minutes? Better yet...your ex not being able to comprehend that being friends can just mean being friends? Well, I know very well that these things happen and that they truly exist and I would like them to go away as fast as they came! The best form of peace for me is being able to get along but how sad is it learning that this may not happen! Ok, I am getting cross-eyed trying to stay up because I was determined to finish this today! Part II of the saga continues!